Since starting a more progressive relationship a month ago, I felt initially it was all to do with punishments, correcting my behaviour, me learning to obey & submit and my husband to spank me harder and harder in order to get results.
Boy, was I wrong!...I have equated "good behaviour" with negative, painful punishments (upbringing), not taking in all the other areas of into consideration, like a look, a tone, an authoratitive air and so on.
I enjoy a spanking, it can be erotic but I felt that it had to hurt incredibly and bring me to tears before it did me any good. Granted it opened communication between Bill and me, and it has allowed me to open up emotionally but what has happend is that my husband at times has shown me complete and utter devotion, care and respect for my feelings that I am finding I am responding better to his acts of "corrective kindness" ie: scolding, his tone, his body language, laying down the law, an alternative consequence that does not require a spanking, that I am resonding far better to that than "oh no, I've crossed the line again, I'm going to get another spanking".
What we have learnt is that my husband has to learn to be more vocal with me, express his displeasure in a verbal way, give me a warning, then if necessary a spanking if I continue to choose to do what is not allowed.
I am very fortune that my husband is the most gentle man you will ever come across. He rarely gets angry, and never has a temper, and I'm learning that I can trust him, even when I make mistakes, I am finally realising and accepting that I can be human around him (not that I couldn't before, this has been a trust lesson on my part).
I am more aware of my actions, my thoughts, and my feelings towards my husband, and I feel I am acting in a way which reflects this.
It is a great feeling that I have in knowing that my husband is assuming much more responsbility for me. I'm not talking about finances etc, but for me, my feelings, my needs and concerns and is so flexible in our approach to that he will do whatever we feel will help us. If it doesn't work, then hey, we change tactics. The point is, we talk daily about what is happening between us and we are on a much greater intimate & spiritual level than we have ever been.
The outcome of this is my feelings for Bill are becoming stronger, the love and respect is growing with each passing day. I'm learning that no matter what I do, I know he will handle it accordingly. I'm starting to realise I'm safe with him and he will take me and our relationship in hand. I don't have to push or test him (though I'm not saying I won't, hey I can be a little madam at times) :-) but I'm confident in his approach to me as being the right one.
This has not necessarily been brought about because he spanks me, although I will admit that it has allowed a chance for me to open up. I find I don't need the spanking to feel safe to open up to him anymore.
I know my guidelines, I know that if I continue to cross the line, then yes, a spanking will be administered depending on the severity of the "crime", but there are other ways to correct, in love and respect.
This is some learning curve, isn't it? :-)